II

Bismillah

All my life I have dwelled in darkness.
Played in its sinful stench.
Laughing too much and crying never.
But now I know.
And my eyes are filled with hot tears,
When I think of how ungrateful I have been,
And how I neglected my Lord,
And my duties.
And yet- despite it all,
I have been given another chance,
And it feels like nothing I have felt before.
Even the low times are higher than the lowest of the low I have felt before.
The warmth in my heart,
When I hear the Quran,
Is alone incomparable to the life I was living.
And this glow from within,
It all points to Him.
My right hand in a tight fist,
Finger pointing towards the sky,
As I say the declaration of faith.
I am inspired.
I can hear-
Nowhere near to what our dear Prophet Muhammed (Peace and blessings be upon him) heard-
The ringing of bells.
But nevertheless-
I hear it now.
I feel it now.
That I am required,
To be a slave of the Almighty.
Yes- I can hear it now-
Finally.
After 20 years,
Those words that were whispered in my ear,
And its banging like a drum
LA ILLAHA ILL ALLAH.
And sometimes it hurts-
My heart-
It burns.
My body aches,
With shame,
And guilt,
And fear,
And love.
And it pulls,
It pulls me down so hard,
So hard that my forehead hits the ground.
In the most humble of positions.
So that I can once again,
Glorify the One who listens.